Eating Your Cake and Having it

I just read an article about what the writer calls the 'come-to-my-house-syndrome' among Nigerian men. of course the writer is a lady, and majority of the people that commented were ladies. Naturally my views on the topic was biased to an extent. I couldn't help asking some questions: 1. The writer complained that Nigerian men don't know Jack about how to date/court a lady anymore. All they do is "come to my house" just after meeting. (And most times, "come to my house" leads to sex demands). But then, why do many of these ladies treat the few guys who court or intend to court properly as if they are not serious? I mean, a young man approaches you and asks you out on a date. Probably takes things slow, trying to get to know you, and never makes any sexual demand. The lady feels like, "he is a nice guy. I like him shaa, (but as a friend). What option does that leave the 'properly groomed Nigerian men' (as they were referred to in the article)? 2. There are lots of complaints from these same ladies about the fact that there are no decent guys who just want to have a relationship devoid of sex. Actually there are. But many of such guys have also been tagged 'nice friends' or and thrown into the bottomless pit of the friend zone. Then the same complainers go ahead to get laid by the first Harry that proves himself 'man enough' by showing interest in fu***ng her. So who is really fooling who? 3. The general language is that the good guys always carry last. These same ladies that were complaining on the article enjoy the fun, excitement, fast life and of course sex, that comes with dating a 'bad guy' (whatever that means). But if something goes wrong (many of such 'bad guys' tend to be promiscuous sha), they come back crying wolf. Since when are we supposed to have our cake and eat it? Did anyone notice that chastity even among Christians has gradually become a taboo topic. A recent conversation I had with my fellow christian (same church actually) informed me that it is impossible to have a relationship without sex. According to her, "Toby let's be 'real'. Leave Bible first and let's be 'practical' here. If you guys love yourselves, it is normal to express that love" I was like, "normal"? Which book, chapter or verse of the Bible? Whatever happened to self control? What about Christian principles? Abeg o, maybe I didn't get the memo when God decided to change his standard because of prevailing 'normal' circumstances. Maybe I am still using an outdated Bible without knowing that there's a new updated version for 'normal' Christians. (Now I feel like ranting). For crying out loud, since when did abnormal become normal and normal became abnormal. In the world, I understand, but among Christians too? Since when did we decide to now start conforming to this world (Rom 12:2)? Last time I checked, our light is supposed to shine for the world to see. These days, our darkness is even stifling the world. Why then do we still bear the name 'christian'. (Ranting continues) I have a big problem with my fellow Christians who expect God to change their standards for them. (for crying out loud He is the Ancient of Days. Why Change today?) It's bad enough you are doing something wrong as a christian, (no intention to judge, I ain't perfect yet too), but for you to now carry the banner of SIN proudly under the flag of "let's be real", and "please everyone is doing it". It is unfair not just o God, but even to non-christians. (Ranting continues still) Someone became a celebrity in the United States not too long ago. Guess what he did? He is a virgin (at 31). When I raised the topic with Chidike Samuelson, his response made me proud. He said, "So things have become so bad these days that what is supposed to be a normal way of life is now so abnormal that it made someone a celebrity". (Ranting Ends). At this point, I have almost lost track of what it was I was ranting about in the first instance. But my conclusion is this: you cannot have your cake and eat it. As a christian lady, you expect to get married to a man who is very good in bed from the start, yet you are an advocate of 'say no to premarital sex'. Please how is he supposed to learn it? By speaking in tongues? You are in a relationship and you kiss and smooch and get fondled (enjoying it o), and then you cry foul when he starts disturbing you for the main course meal? As a christian guy, you wanna marry a virgin, yet you wish to have 'fun' with other girls for now. Who will now marry the ones you had 'fun' with? You chop knuckles with your ‘guys’ after each sexual escapade and then you get heartbroken when your fiance cheats on you. Who did you think your guys were messing around with? No be person future wife? Karma is a dangerous unforgiving bitch. We can’t eat our cake and have it. If God be God let's serve Him. If not, let's kukuma stop. There is no need pretending. If you wanna have fun, it's your life, have fun. But if you wanna be a christian, please be a christian. Rant Finally Ends!